Love Language or Obsession?

On By Suzanne@PictureRetirementIn Uncategorized

There was a time when I lived under the influence of Martha Stewart and Alexandra Stoddard. They were my patron saints of refinement, my gurus of gracious living. They taught me a great deal about life and beauty, and I absorbed their instruction with zeal. Dinner parties were orchestrated symphonies, complete with fresh flower centerpieces, linen napkins, coordinated charger plates, proper stemware, placecard holders, and printed menus. 

We choose how enthusiastically we live our time alive. Alexandra Stoddard

I took it all to heart, perhaps too much. I amassed multiple sets of fine china (antique shops and thrift stores), enough stemware to pair with a seven-course tasting menu, and serving pieces for every conceivable holiday and frivolous mood.  I own twelve petite gravy boats. They seemed essential to the presentation of homemade cranberry sauce at the time. I purchased elegant soup crocks (bake ware is pedestrian) to serve French Onion Soup, and cast-iron skillets for individual servings of lobster mac and cheese. There were leaf-shaped plates and heart-shaped pans, crystal knife rests (how does one live without them?), and faux gold flatware for holiday meals.

The rooms that are lived in are the ones we find most comforting. Alexandra Stoddard

But now, in my seventieth year, I look around and wonder: what exactly am I supposed to do with the evidence of my once-flawless domestic ambitions? My daughter and SIL don’t want it; their meals are consumed from Styrofoam containers.  I remain hopeful that she might have a fond remembrance of sipping orange juice from a Baccarat goblet or enjoying a delicate Christmas Pannacotta from an antique Candlewick coupe. But, alas, there have been no requests.

So here I am, surrounded by the relics of my own well-set tables, trying to make sense of it all, finding my new normal. Perhaps the point was never the trimmings and frills, but the joy of creating beauty, of showing love through presentation and care. Or maybe it was just that I really, really liked a good tablescape.

It’s a good thing. Martha Stewart

Evidence of My Obsession

This post is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but the reality is that I love my stuff and am not ready to part with any of it. Most of the things you see below are carefully packed away in our storage unit. The first two photographs are of our Christmas table this year (things I could easily locate), and the others are from tables past. We won’t be home to use the table this year, but setting it warms my heart and satisfies my inner domestic goddess.

Merry Christmas

47 thoughts on “Love Language or Obsession?”

  1. Wow I would have loved to be on your dinner party list,.what fabulous tables. Sadly that is the truth of it, if nobody wants it it’s worth nothing. But you have lovely memories. I’m sure you could sell it based on your photos when you’re ready. It’s dinner sets you see on tv

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  2. Your table settings are so beautiful! I can absolutely see why you took such pleasure in creating them, though I doubt I would ever have done so myself even though I do enjoy making a table look welcoming. I hope you either find a good home for these beautiful things OR find a way to carry on using them yourself.

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  3. I love your beautiful tablescapes! I like to set a pretty table as well throughout the seasons. (I like the blush-pink bow on your dining room mirror!) Sometimes, it is the simple additions of flowers from the garden or fresh greens that make everything come together. I believe that if we enjoy our own festive flourishes, and enjoy the company around the table, that is the best scenario for entertaining. (And for meals day to day.) Wishing you a wonderful Christmas, and thank you for sharing your lovely tablescapes from the past and present! (It looks like the pages out of Victoria magazine!)

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    1. Linda, this is just the tip of the iceberg. In the past, I set tables for Easter, New Year’s Eve, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day. I absolutely love creating a pretty table. One Christmas, I dried Magnolia leaves and spray-painted them gold for the centerpiece. Thanks for noticing the bow. That was several years ago, but I still remember how beautiful that room looked. It’s nice to know you are a kindred spirit when it comes to table setting. Cheers!

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  4. I likewise somehow managed to accumulate more dinnerware than I could imagine – for many years I was the recipient of family hand me downs, as I was the only relative remaining that still entertained. Eventually the items in my cupboards began to feel like weights, which is when I was finally able to let the majority of them go. I will always have and treasure the memories of using them to entertain, but I am now in a different chapter of my life. Increasingly we meet up with friends for Happy Hour or at our Club, where the cooking is done by someone else and we all simply enjoy visiting without obligations.

    We are all different however, and so if you continue to find joy in your items, a la Marie Kondo, then you should continue to keep and enjoy.

    Happy Holidays to you and Malcom!

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    1. Tamara, there are so many memories attached to every piece; it is hard to think of parting with anything just yet. Entertaining at a table set this way is likely done and dusted, but I still love creating a beautiful visual for the holidays. P.S. I am keeping the initial 10 pounds off, and will set a new goal for 5 more after Christmas.

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  5. Merry Christmas to you! I remember the days of Martha Stewart I had an almost love-hate relationship with(laugh). I felt a lot of pressure -Laugh. Your holiday tablescapes are beautiful. I have no doubt you have created many beautiful memories.

    Velva

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  6. Happy holidays to you and your family. Your photos look like they came out of Martha’s magazine, and I understand you loving your beautiful pieces. When we made a cross country move, I relieved myself of sets of dishes, glassware, silverware, and a lot of appliances. I lightened the load both physically and mentally. 🙂 We were headed to a life with small grandchildren at the time and it was much more casual. I still have one set of ‘good’ dishes, and have to chuckle when I say that they haven’t left the cupboard in several years. If you still enjoy those beautiful pieces and find comfort in knowing they are stored away if you want to get them out, then that’s what you should do. You’ll know when you don’t need them anymore. Hope 2026 is a good year for you and yours.

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    1. Judy, tableware and little kids don’t always go together. I grew up having holiday meals served on Chinet paper or melamine plastic plates. Throwaway or indestructible was the way to go with four kids and a bunch of cousins. Creating tablescapes became a passion for me in my 20s, and when I met Malcolm, he enabled my habit. Truth be told, he loves our things as much as I do. I know the time will come when I have to let go, but not just yet. Merry Christmas.

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  7. My Mother was a frequent and confident entertainer. Unfortunately, I did not inherit these skills. I’m quite impressed. I think the attention to detail is love language and you should keep the things as long as you like. Merry Christmas!

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  8. That is very lavish, Suzanne! 🙂 While I can imagine the joy of collecting nice table ware and organizing matching table settings, offering a beautiful environment during holiday meals, I don’t see the practical sense in it, as you can probably guess, haha.

    While I would just be happy to have matching sets of everything for four or six persons, I would enjoy attending a feast with table settings like yours. 🙂

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  9. I love setting a nice table, but it was never as beautiful as yours. However, over the years, I’ve lost my excitement for it. Not because of my lack of desire, but because no one seems to appreciate it. Not that I need that affirmation, but everything has become so casual. Even this year, I’m planning to serve buffet style instead of passing things around the table. We will use our Christmas china and placemats, but otherwise, it will be pretty normal. I can’t yet start using paper plates!!

    Merry Christmas!!

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    1. Dawn, unless I’m serving 30 people, paper will never happen! Or, if it did, I’d figure out a way to make it pretty. Glad to hear you are like-minded on that one. This year, I set the table purely for decoration because we won’t be home for Christmas. I needed a reminder of what Christmas used to be like. Not decorating a tree was a real downer. Take care and have a wonderful Christmas.

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  10. Gorgeous holiday table settings, Suzanne. If they bring you joy then keep them until you’re sure about letting some of them go. I moved past the “stuff accumulation” phase and I’m now in the “stuff reduction and low maintenance” phase. I can look at beautiful things, appreciate them but have no desire to bring them home. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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    1. Hi Natalie, our desire to entertain is becoming less and less these days, but setting a pretty holiday table is still important to me. You are right about the ‘joy factor.’ It’s good that you have moved past accumulating stuff. We purged a lot in our big move back in ’22, but I’m not ready to cut deeper. Merry Christmas!

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  11. You and another blogger are so similar with travel and your gorgeous decor and tablescapes, Suzanne. My SIL is like you with her amazing dinner ware, of which most comes from Europe (Italy and Germany). All of you are thrifty and clever with your curations. I’m lucky to have a service of 16+ set of the Blue Willow collection. Most was gifted to me by my former MIL.
    I love that you set a formal table even though you’ll be away. I admire you all who can make a holiday dinner special and memorable. Its sad our families don’t want our stuff. … they may regret it some day. Check out Nancy from Two Trails, One Road.

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    1. Hi Terri, before we downsized our house, I used to decorate 4 trees, set two tables, make homemade garland for the staircase, and display a massive nativity set. This year is a departure from my norm, but I am trying on a leaner look to see if I am ready to be serious about getting rid of some of the stored stuff. I just looked up Nancy’s blog. You are right. Another kindred spirit. Merry Christmas!

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  13. Hi Suzanne, what beautiful table settings. I’m currently helping clear out my MIL’s house which includes so many elaborate dinner settings, beautifully painted ceramic dishes and many, many hand painted plates. So much stuff! Thankfully my niece and her fiancé are going to take a lot of the crockery which is great. But a lot of it, well, no one wants them and a part of me feels sad at the end of an era. BUT the memories remain, all those happy extended family meals with all of her fancy stuff. As for me, I still love setting a fancy table when I get the chance, candles, flowers, good crystal but it’s less and less these days and more ‘a la naturale’ in the great outdoors. Anyway, happy entertaining and enjoy the festive season with your loved ones Suzanne. Cheers! 💗

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  14. Miriam, I don’t envy your task. We packed away ‘collectables’ that belonged to my MIL when we moved into her house. They are in storage, along with much of our own – delayed decisions. You are lucky to have someone who wants some of her things. Cheers to setting ‘fancy tables’ and enjoying life ‘a la naturale.’ Merry Christmas.

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  15. m2muse's avatar m2muse

    I think your tablescapes are a creative expression. I appreciate Martha Stewart to a degree, mostly because I think she could still pluck a chicken if she had to given how she was raised by Big Martha! My friend always told her kids – don’t let anything but money or fear stop you. I believe that if you have the resources (time, energy, money) go for it. Enjoy & happy holidays.

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  16. Hi m2muse, I appreciate your comment and would love to return the favor. Do you write a blog? Anyway, yes, most folks seem to have a love/hate relationship with Martha – understandably. She makes everything look effortless, and we all know that isn’t so. For me, it’s about desire, creativity, and thriftiness. Happy Holidays.

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  17. It sounds like we could be sisters. 😊 I think we both have lived similar lives…I’m just missing the crystal knife rests. When we moved from New England I had a huge barn sale each weekend for a month and sold a lot of my collections but still have 4 sets of dishes, serving platters and accessories. You didn’t mention the cookware to create those special meals but I’m sure you are like me and have lots of that as well.

    We also have the same love of travel, speaking of which have a wonderful Christmas holiday. I’m looking forward to photos.

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    1. Karen, when we add creative recipes to the mix, that tips the scales in my book. You win!! Yes, to cookware, storage containers, etc. I recently fought Malcolm tooth and nail to prevent the purchase of a bunt cake carrier. Won’t a regular cake carrier do just fine, I asked? I’m secretly glad he is as much of an addict as me. We are both enablers…. Have a Merry Christmas. I’ll send postcards from Paris. 🙂

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  18. Hello, new friend! Thank you for the follow!
    Gorgeous Tablescapes!

    I, too, love a beautiful table. I enjoy sitting at that beautifully set table. And love when others can join me at that table.
    However, I also enjoy having others sit at the kitchen island while I cook something simple to share with them.
    It’s all about friends, family, and fellowship. No matter where!
    Merry December new friends!
    🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

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      1. How wonderful! I have met Terri a few times when she comes here to AZ. What a sweetheart!
        And I want you to know… I love the fancy stuff, too! ☺️

        I’ll gladly be back to visit!
        Merry Merry!

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  19. Your table-scapes are gorgeous. I look at the pictures in magazines and think who does that? Now I know… it’s YOU! I struggled to use my wedding china even for the holidays since we’ve moved. Yes, I still have it – someone washed it all and it’s somewhere in a box, or two. So, I’m thinking I need to up my game just a bit once we are back in our home. But nope, not buying 12 petite gravy boats… I think I only have service for 10!

    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!

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  21. Hi Suzanne, I find it interesting to read all of the comments in your post. Many readers may have different opinions, yet I do sense a common thread – what brings people “joy” – your words ‘…even if I am the only person who notices and appreciates the table…’ – I wholeheartedly agree and this feeling follows through on creative projects in general.

    You remind me how we will not have much to say on what happens to our special, often sentimental items, when we leave. Ha, ha, ‘it’s a good thing’ – made me smile. Gorgeous photos, as if from a fancy magazine. You continue doing you, Suzanne. You always make a difference. Merry Christmas and I look forward to reading/seeing what you are up to in 2026.💕Erica

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  22. Erica, I wasn’t planning this post, but after I set the table, thoughts began to swirl in my head. Expressing myself creatively in whatever way I can is still important. That is why I keep this blog going, and why I still take photographs at every opportunity. It’s why I do a lot of things – to spark joy. When joy comes from inside, it radiates onto others, and that’s the real point of life, isn’t it? Who thought setting a pretty table could be someone’s love language? I’ll bet Martha and Alexandra would approve. Thank you for your visit and for your thoughtful comment. Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas. Peace, Love, JOY!

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  23. Your table setting are beautiful! I think some people enjoy setting a festive table, while for others, paper plates are good enough. To each his own, I say! (And I always break out the china for holiday dinners…..)

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  24. Oh my… let me know what time you are serving dinner and I’ll be there! Your table decorations are so beautiful, and I bet the food you serve is just as wonderful. I’ve read many articles saying that younger people aren’t interested in fine China or real silverware. If it can’t go in a dishwasher, they will pass. I can understand it but I think they are missing the joy of setting a beautiful table.

    Best wishes for a fabulous Christmas, Suzanne!

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  25. You certainly have a gift for entertaining and decorating. My Helen loves to do both. We have our wedding China, Crystal, and Silverware and manage to pull it out several times a year (around the floral centerpiece). We also inherited collections of the above from our parents that we wished our kids wanted, but it ain’t gonna happen. If you want it…I’m happy to send pictures. Have a blessed Christmas season. Joe

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  26. It is hard to resist some of the beautifut items in the kitchenware shops.There is something enchanting about creating a fully co-ordinated table setting – a stunning aesthetic in your own little corner of the universe. In a similar way to hobbies, this practice has its time. The next generation lives according to their own fashion trend (which seemed to be very grey, simple and minimalistic). Having said that, when I moved house, I rid myself of lots of stuff and kept only those that were very special and sentimental. Like your children, my kids didn’t want anything. I gave a lot to friends and the thrift shop. I sold a few. And now, I use those “special” items for everyday use, dinners with hubby or even breakfast. If they become chipped or broken so be it, as they won’t be apprecited when I am gone. So I often have my morning tea bikkies on antique china, or a salad in my Aunt’s Waterford crystal.

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