Love, Loss, and Moving On

On By Suzanne@PictureRetirementIn On My Mind

We lost our sweet Nana this past week. She passed away quietly in her bed, just as she had always said she would. The timing was an answer to prayer since the fluid in her lungs was building and would have likely caused severe discomfort at some point. She was 94 years old and while all of the cliches apply; ‘She lived a good life,’ ‘She didn’t suffer,’ ‘She is at peace now,’ we still mourn her passing and miss her dearly.

As far as she was concerned, Malcolm hung the moon and Morgan scattered the stars. She was a constant source of love and support in my life for the past thirty-seven years and she personified the phrase ‘unconditional love.’

When I married Malcolm, I knew I had hit the Mother-in-law jackpot. Rose couldn’t have been more opposite to me in terms of personality, but she was made of pure love. Our mutual respect and love unfolded over time and there was never a need for boundaries or big discussions. We just clicked.

We were never ‘lunch buddies’ or ‘shopping pals.’ That just wasn’t her style. Our connection and the bond that grew strong between us came from the people we loved most – her son and granddaughter. She was simply there for us in every way possible, without hesitation, and with genuine joy in her heart. When we were short-handed at our business she pitched in, she was our Friday night babysitter for years, and she loved making Sunday dinner. She vacationed with us, celebrated holidays and birthdays, and kept her Armenian traditions alive for Malcolm and Morgan.

Rose lived life with a kind of contentment and simplicity that is rare and often misunderstood. People say that is characteristic of ‘Depression Era babies,’ but I think it went deeper than that. It was who she was. Being born to Armenian immigrant parents and having a strong work ethic instilled from an early age shaped her thinking and she was one of the hardest working people I have ever known – even in her later years when she didn’t need to be. It was still her choice.

We knew a couple of years ago that the battle was brewing regarding her continued independent living. Ironically, the onset of Dementia and its rapid progression made that discussion a moot point. Rose spent the last four months of her life in a Memory Care unit, and for the past two months had been accepting of the situation. She told Malcolm just a month ago that once she got her head around it, she realized she was in a good place. Our hearts soared with validation. She entertained visits from us and other family members frequently during these past months and although it felt like a long goodbye at times, it was a precious experience that we will always cherish. She knew she was loved.

From all accounts, Rose was feisty to the end, as she was overheard telling Chester, (the man about town at her residence) to ‘keep it moving pal’ when he lingered a little too close.  RIP dear Nana, you did it your way and we know you are smiling down on us, wishing us the same.

Nana, her sister, her nephew and 2 great nephews, Malcolm
Nana and her sister, January 4, 2024

What’s Next

Nana’s passing ends another chapter in our lives. We honestly do not know what comes next, but we are considering multiple possibilities. Our lease is up in May, and we do not intend to renew, so who knows. Stay tuned…

51 thoughts on “Love, Loss, and Moving On”

  1. Dear Suzanne, Malcolm, and Morgan,

    I am very sorry for your loss! It sounds like Rose was a pillar in your lives and I know how much you’ve been involved in her well-being and living situation, especially the last couple of years. Your tribute is wonderful, heartfelt, and so loving, Suzanne. I’m curious to find out where you’ll end up next.

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    1. Liesbet, as an only child Malcolm was everything to her. She lost her husband (Malcolm’s Dad) in 1993 and it has been just us since then. So yes, she was a pillar in our lives.

      As far as what’s next, I promise our plans won’t be as exciting, or off the beaten path as your life but it will be an adventure.

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  2. What a lovely summary of your mother-in-law’s qualities Suzanne. I think it says so much about her that you loved her and she loved you (being a loved MIL is something I strive for with my DIL). I’m so sad for you all, but also know that this was a good end for a life well lived. Sending you love from across the world as you grieve Rose’s loss and the passing of another generation and all that means to your family. x

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss, and Malcolm’s too. I know the last few years haven’t been easy for any of you but she will leave a big hole in your lives. This is a beautiful tribute to a clearly remarkable woman. Interestingly, I could have written much of it about my own mother in law. I too ‘hit the jackpot’ and like you got on really well with her despite many differences. And like Rose, she accepted death willingly and went peacefully when the time came. We’ve found that this really helped us to accept her death too and to celebrate her life even as we mourned. It sounds like you are going to be able to do just that, starting with this lovely post. Sending hugs 🤗

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    1. Antoinette Truglio Martin

      So sorry for your loss. It’s hard for us mortals to surrender God’s angels when they are called home. Memories and stories will have to suffice.❤️

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  4. I am sorry to hear about your Nana’s passing, Suzanne. Sincere condolences to you and her loved ones. You had mentioned in a previous post how you wanted to make certain she felt loved. I am certain she felt the ‘unconditional love.’ 💔 Erica

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  6. A beautiful tribute. You were blessed to have her in your lives. My mom lived until 99 (6 days shy of 100). Yes, she had a long life, but I miss her greatly. So, I understand the comments and the hole in your heart and lives. You took great care of her. Bless you all as you move on to the next chapter.

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  8. Suzanne,
    A loving tribute indeed. My MIL left us way too early, but she accepted me as one of her own. We miss her. My Mom will be 96 soon. Thanks for reminding me how precious it is to have her around to love us. Hugs to you both. Joe

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  9. Aww, I’m sad to read of Rose’s passing. Your tribute is heartfelt and beautiful, Suzanne. Cliches aside, I hope when my dad gets to that point, it will be peaceful. As a milestone life passes on, you will no doubt find the next appropriate chapter for you and Malcolm.

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  10. Suzanne, My condolences to you, Malcolm, Morgan and Rose’s loved ones. Sending you virtual hugs and thinking of you. The longer time we have with someone we love, the deeper the loss. Wishing you and Malcolm all the best going forward.

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  11. Oh Suzanne, this is such a beautiful, honoring tribute to Rose. I love the photos of her! How fortunate that you all had each other for so many years. I wish you and Malcolm peace in this very tender time.

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    1. Jan, thank you for the reminder to give ourselves time. Malcolm says he feels remarkably at ease with it all. I think that is mostly because we are very busy with preparations and dealing with her estate. He hasn’t had time to fully process everything.

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  15. I think I am with Malcolm in that I too will be at peace when Mum eventually passes as she has Parkinsons and slowly heading towards dementia. There comes a time when the quality of life is no longer there, so what is the purpose of living? For me, losing a parent is part of life’s tapestry and expected even though we will forever miss them as their input has been weaved throughout our lives for better or not. She looks an amazing woman and the photo of her when young is stunning. I love that you and Malcolm have a new chapter to look forward to, grab it and enjoy.

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  16. Suzanne, it was hard to watch the changes during this past year and we often thought about the cruelty and senselessness of it all. She certainly did not deserve her fate. I have very strong feelings about ‘quality of life,’ but that is another discussion entirely….

    Parkinson’s is indeed a cruel and heartless disease. Blessings to you and your Mum.

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  18. A beautiful tribute, Suzanne and isn’t it wonderful that you had such an long and special relationship with your mother-in-law. What’s next for you? From experience you will need time. Malcolm will take quite some time to adjust but equally you and your daughter will too. It was so good that your MIL accepted her final ‘home’ and you could visit and make special memories with her there. Take care of yourselves and I’m sending love and good wishes to you all. xx

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  21. Suzanne, What a lovely tribute to your MIL. It’s wonderful her final days were surrounded by love and acceptance.
    I found a great deal of support and comfort from grief counseling last year after my mom passed – the memory care facility might have options for you and Malcom. Everyone’s grief is different, but a trained counselor really helped me process things. And it took time; and different amounts of time for me and my sister and my brother. Be gentle with yourself and Malcom. A new normal will eventually emerge (even though I still reach for the phone to call my mom at least once a week).

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    1. Pat, it’s funny you say that. She hasn’t lived in her home for over four months, but when we put the key in the door we half expect her to greet us. Malcolm is at peace, knowing he was a good son to her. She told him that constantly and they had a wonderful relationship. That’s not to say that he won’t have down days. I’m sure those will happen too. Like you said, everyone processes grief differently. Thanks for your condolences.

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    1. Welcome Velva, I am sorry to hold your comment in ‘moderation’ for so long. I needed time to visit your site and learn a little more about you. Our blog is all about connecting to like-minded people and sharing life stories. It seems that we have food, wine, and travel in common, but beyond that, I didn’t discover a lot about you from your blog – which is absolutely beautiful, by the way. I hope you will visit again. Friends are always welcome here.

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  26. Christie Hawkes

    Rose sounds like a lovely lady, Suzanne. I am sorry for your loss. As I was reading this, it reminded me so much of my own mother-in-law, Betty, who passed away at 94 a year and a half ago. I always said I won the MIL jackpot, and she was feisty to the end. Sending love and support to you and your family. May you be comforted by your many happy memories.

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