Some of us wait until the end of the year to review and reflect on what has happened in our lives during the past twelve months, but I like performing a mini-checkup on myself at the end of each month. Physical evidence is more easily evaluated in small chunks. Likewise, the absence of evidence is, or should be a wake-up call that is better received sooner than later.
I didn’t make any resolutions this past year, and I didn’t choose a WOTY (word of the year), but I generally know what I need in my life to maintain a healthy balance of mind, body, and spirit. What I need is an abundance of sunshine, physical activity, healthy meals, family time, social activities, downtime, good reads that educate, motivate, entertain, and inspire, and something to look forward to. A lot of that was lacking in August and September.
Mindful living is about making decisions rather than excuses…
Getting back to basics and righting things from our upended summer has been my focus for much of October. We are still incorporating new responsibilities (mostly Malcolm), and I am adjusting to my expanded role as a Cheerleader and support system. As an only child, his mother’s condition (see this post) has taken a toll on him but as with everything else important in life, he intends to do this with unwavering commitment.
Chillin’
We have been spending much time at the beach, walking, riding our bikes, and enjoying quiet time, each in our own way.
Cooking together is always a good stress reliever, and what better way to find great recipes than to consult our masterfully curated Pinterest Boards. I will share a couple of dishes that we made in my next What’s On Your Plate post.
Celebrating Moments
The residence where my MIL lives hosted a family night in honor of Halloween. We had a nice visit and enjoyed the festive atmosphere, holiday food, and music.
Moving Our Bodies
Malcolm rides his bike or walks most days, while I continue strength classes at the gym and tennis a couple of times per week. Tennis League season begins next week, so I will increase my time on the court to an average of three times per week. I am still sorting out what has to drop in order to accommodate the additional playtime.
Playing Mind Games
My twice weekly Mahjongg game is a godsend as it preoccupies my mind with strategy and competition. An added bonus is that I spend time with friends and catch up on their lives. Malcolm and I have a table set up in our home and play whenever the mood strikes. The game is not meant for two people, but we have modified it to accommodate two players. Reducing the game from 4 to 2 players turns it into a game of chance (more options for winning) so we use the time to explore the card and play more complicated hands.
Speaking of mind games, my friend Donna at Retirement Reflections suggested a book for me, considering our present circumstances. The book is Remember, by Lisa Genova. Ms. Genova is a Neuroscientist and author of fiction. You may have read her first novel, Still Alice, a fictional account of a Harvard Professor suffering from Alzheimer’s. Remember is her first non-fiction book. As the title implies, the book is about how the brain works to create and preserve memories and what happens when things go wrong. Absent a disease, trauma, or cognitive degeneration, she offers tips to improve memory in a normally aging brain.
A suggestion that resonated with me most is to train ourselves to be less reactive to stress through meditation, a healthy diet, exercise, mindfulness, gratitude, and compassion. These suggestions support my ‘balanced living’ mantra and reinforce the notion of taking stock regularly.
Looking Forward
I follow my heart and it usually leades me to the airport…
In November, we will be traveling to Quebec City with the kids. We’ve rented a HomeAway residence for a week, and will not be galloping around the countryside as we did with them on this trip. The plan is to enjoy slow-paced family time. 🙂 Sure…..
Malcolm and I have tickets for a Pantatonix Concert in December and have decided to build a short road trip around the Orlando destination. It has a foodie theme that I’ll tell you more about later.
And, last but not least, we have booked another cruise. We typically choose cruises based on the ports of call, but this time it truly is all about the ship. We will be on Vista, a relatively new ship in the Oceania fleet. It sails from Miami, and ports of call include Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. Advertised as a tropical retreat, we look forward to spending time with the same friends we traveled with last year on this Regent cruise.
Sharing with What’s Been on Your Calendar. Thank you, Donna, Deb, Jo, and Sue for hosting the monthly link-up.
Picture Retirement 
Hi Suzanne – it sounds like it’s been a bit of an up and down month for you – but one where things are coming back into focus with your new normal. My mum has just decided to put her house on the market and to move down to where I live (my brothers live down here too now). She wants to be in a smaller place and near family – it will be good to have her closer, but it’s a stressful time of sorting, packing, discarding etc etc. I’m grateful she’s decided to do it now while she still has the stamina (mostly) to see it through. It’s hard watching your parent age….
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Leanne, your mum is one smart cookie! Good for her for making the decision to down-size and move closer to family. I completely understand the stress of sorting, packing, and moving. The best thing about your situation is that your mum is able to participate. What a blessing.
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Sounds like you have a good grip on life and are steering where you need and want to go. 🙂 I did smile at the above comment ‘it’s hard watching your parent age….’ The only thing harder is being that parent. 🙂
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Hi Judy, yes, we are beginning to get a grip on our new circumstances. We are all likely to be in a position of ‘need’ one day. I just hope to make my daughter’s life easier by having some decisions made ahead of time. I’m sure that is your thinking as well.
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As you know, we moved my parents in September. It was worth the effort and stress to have them closer to my brothers. You have a lot of positive activities in your life, Suzanne. Your Mahjongg group sounds fun! It’s a good idea to look inwardly at our goals, wants and needs often. Enjoy your tennis lessons and upcoming cruise!
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Hi Terri, I know you have experience with what we have been going through. It isn’t easy, but we do have a lot of support groups. My Mahjongg group and my tennis buddies are the best and Malcolm’s ‘coffee buddies’ are kind and supportive. Malcolm’s mom has a sister who also has dementia and her son (who Malcolm is very close to) visited with this wife and son today. It was exactly what we needed. Yes, taking stock of our goals at interim periods is essential to growth.
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I get the impression you’re now at the stage of adjusting to your ‘new normal’ which is great. And you’re allowing the things that really matter to you to resurface, also great.
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Sarah, although a little forced, things are starting to feel that way. I think the shock of the rapid decline in such a short time caught us off guard. Once we understood the progression of her disease and how we needed to respond, the path became more navigable. There are still many challenges ahead, but we are now making ourselves a priority too.
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Hitting the reset button is a good idea. I like those suggestions for coping with stress. I’ve focused on them during the tough times in my own life (in the rear view mirror…for now, at least).
Deb
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Hi Deb, I am glad that your tough times are in the rear view mirror and hope that is where they remain. Smooth sailing forward…our day will come.
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Years ago I read a book by Caroline Myss in which she explained that a person’s tendency to talk about their problems/negativity is an example of trying to one up another person, being competitive, by using your emotional wounds to score points. She called it woundology. And warned against doing it, lest you become mired in depression. My point is that I like the advice to talk about joy. Positive begets positive.
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Ally, the term woundology sounds about right. Have you ever noticed how the people who have the saddest story get the most attention? I actually think it is a condition that society embraces because it makes their own lives seem a bit brighter. My husband calls it ‘church people syndrome.’ Happy, positive people are rarely the story on the 6 o’clock news. Cynical much? Yeah, kinda. Even so, I embrace my role as the eternal optomist and believe setbacks are just that, setbacks.
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Have you ever noticed how the people who have the saddest story get the most attention? YES! I like your husband’s term for it.
And the phenomenon kind of gripes my grits. I understand venting among friends/family can a good thing but to broadcast angsty woe 24/7 drives me a little bonkers when there are real problems in this world. Just saying.
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Living the life! I don’t make resolutions either. Be careful at those airports – friends keep coming back from long flights with covid! It’s still out there.
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Hi Jan, I hear you. Airports are still a hotbed of germs, as are cruise ships and even grocery stores. I just had my flu shot and will take the next installment of Covid prevention soon. Doing my best to live life and stay well. Blessings to you.
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I’m glad you seem to have “turned the corner,” at least a little bit. Fun and precious travels coming up for both of you… Enjoy! I like the quote “Mindful living is about making decisions rather than excuses…” We should all live by that!
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Hi Liesbet, I am glad you liked the quote – it’s mine. I am a firm believer that making choices and being decisive is the only way to put one foot in front of the other. I’ll catch up with you soon. Hope all is well.
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It sounds to me as if you are adjusting rather well, and making the most of your situation. I’m so happy you’re going on another Regent cruise, particularly to somewhere warm and sunny. I think it will be just the break you need!
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Ann, we are looking forward to the cruise. The destination isn’t great, but who cares? We will be with our friends, having fun.
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Sometimes a reset is exactly what’s needed. Love the idea of using a Pinterest board for meal prep. I see interesting ideas and will mark them in the mag etc but never remember where I saw it.
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Jo, we gave up our magazine subscriptions years ago, and Pinterest is the next best thing, if not better, for meal planning. Malcolm has his boards categorized much better than I do and can locate a main dish, side dishes, and desserts in a matter of seconds.
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Hi Suzanne, Hitting the reset button is necessary for our well-being so we can be in our best form for our family. You are smart to do it. Quebec City, especially the Old Town, is beautiful and romantic. Your plan for December and the cruise sound wonderful.
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Natalie, we are staying in Old Town and looking forward to exploring its charms. Hitting the reset button was essential to our well-being and to our ability to function optimally. I’m glad we finally got there. Many blessings to you.
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We are very similar, Suzanne. I also enjoy doing a little audit each month and I find writing my post for WBOYC? helps as I sift back through what I’ve done in each area of my life. Having lived with my in-laws for 12 years and then continuing care when my MIL moved to aged care, I understand where you and your husband are at the moment. My husband did so much for his Mum (like yours is doing) and I, like you was the support and cheerleader. Take care of yourselves and I’m glad that you are trying to maintain your own life during this time. I loved Quebec when we visited and we are off on a River Cruise in November. Travel is wonderful, isn’t it?
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Sue, I had not realized that you lived with your inlaws for 12 years. That is amazing and you deserve a lot of credit for doing that. I didn’t last one year with my MIL, and I love her dearly. We are just very different people. Malcolm and I are looking forward to Quebec and hopefully will enjoy a bit of European flavor without actually being in Europe. Thanks for hosting WBOYC.
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Hi, Suzanne – Thank you for joining us for #WBOYC. I am glad that you enjoyed ‘Remember’ by Lisa Genova. Although I read this book a couple of months ago, I continue to extract and use valuable takeaways from what I read.
It sounds like you have some great travel ahead. I look forward to following those posts (and others of course)! 😀
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Hi Donna, I can’t stop talking about the book with my friends and I just suggested it to a relative who has a mother with dementia. Obviously, there are no guarantees, but the reassurances regarding ‘normal forgetfulness’ and her practical suggestions for improving memory were ‘valuable takeaways’. I can see myself paging through my highlights time and again. Thanks for hosting. It has been a good month and we are on track for a wonderful November. Wishing you the same.
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What a lovely gentle read Suzanne, full of introspection and direction for the future. I have Remember on my list to read as well having read Still Alice many years ago. Thanks for joining us for #WBOYC and all the best for your travel plans next month.
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Hi Debbie, I’m glad you enjoyed my short recount of October. It was a good month. I hope you will eventually read Remember. I found it worthwhile. Thanks for hosting WBOYC.
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Hi Suzanne, You remind me why I love to be the age I am…I know myself…and what I need to “maintain a healthy balance of mind, body, and spirit.” Wise words, Suzanne.
Goosebumps on ‘talk about your joys.’ You also remind me why I fall in love with my husband over and over again…how he deals with challenges, family love, values…the difficult moments. Lisa Genova is an inspirational and wonderful author and Donna (Retirement Reflections) is an inspirational and wonderful person!
Pentatonix …..I am jealous …. With major goosebumps. Thank you for sharing an inspirational post, sharing gems that help you weather the difficult challenges. Love and hugs in your direction.❤️ Erica
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Hi Erica, Malcolm’s character (and that adorable face) was what attracted me from day one. I’m glad you got one of the good guys too. I suspect you, Donna, and I could have a good conversation about a lot of topics – three peas in a pod. Hugs back to you and thanks for dropping by. I hope life is treating you well.
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Suzanne,
Congrats to you and Malcolm for handling the challenge at hand while continuing to keep some balance in your life and participating in the things that you enjoy. Cooking, walks on the beach, and riding bikes are great ways to enjoy some “me” time. All the best to you both. Joe
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Joe, thanks. While the stress is still very much there, we are coping better and learning to deal with our new normal. This was a good month. Wishing you and Helen all the best. Thanks for visiting.
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Having gone through taking care of aging parents several years ago, I understand the stress and the acceptance of a new normal. Although it’s never easy to be a caregiver, discovering how best to manage the moving pieces and navigate the system comes with time and effort. It sounds like you and Malcolm are adjusting and finding a good balance.
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Hi Janis, navigating the system is exactly where we are right now. It is a bit of a learning curve, especially when you expect services to be delivered as stated. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen and frustration sets in quickly. We are slowly getting our arms around the situation and finding time for ourselves. Thanks for dropping by. I hope all is well with you.
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I would love to know how you modified Mahjong for two players. Nice post.
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Hi Bernadette, we set up all four walls, and sit across from each other. The ‘Dealer’ deals the first wall out to both players – the 2nd player gets 13 tiles, and the dealer gets 14 tiles. Skip the Charleston as you will just be passing back and forth and that makes no sense. The dealer tosses out the first tile, then play commences back and forth until someone completes Mahjongg. American Mahjongg rules apply. Use all four walls, pushing them out to the dealer’s left until all are completed or someone has Mahjongg.
There is an ‘authorized’ way to play with two people (you can find it on Youtube), but you have to complete two racks of Mahjongg before the game is over. We like our simplified version much better. BTW, do you play regularly?
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Yes, I have a regular game once a week but think it would be fun to teach both my husband and my granddaughter how to play so that I can play more often. Thanks for the detailed instructions.
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Bernadette, you can play with 3 people too, but that explanation is a little more involved so I’ll leave you to research it online. I don’t know if you are on Instagram, but this gal, @mahjongmolly has some good instructional videos.
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I can fully relate to caring for aged parents. Dad died just over a year ago, and Mum is now in the late stages of Parkinson’s in a resthome. It’s just a waiting game in that last stage. It is awful and very stressful to see the deterioration of someone you love.
Decisions instead of excuses is a quote to remember. Which reminds me, I must get into playing Bridge next year to keep the clogs turning over.
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Hi Suzanne, thanks for stopping by. It isn’t easy watching a loved one decline, no matter what the issue. We had a friend who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early fifties. It is a wretched disease and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I have never learned to play Bridge, and won’t likely at this stage of life. Mahjongg, however, has been a constant for many years. It provides exactly what I need and more. Decisions are a part of life and avoiding them will only lead to dissatisfaction and regret. At least that’s the way I see it.
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It’s great that Mahjong is exactly what you need, and it’s popular here too, so that’s a viable choice for next year. Mum was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in her fifties.
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This is an inspiring post. I have never played Mahjongg, but I see lots of people playing it in the mall. Our relaxing go-to recently has been Mexican Train. I had the privilege of seeing Lisa Genova in person when she spoke in Fresno. What an amazing woman. She researched that book for about two years or more, and she knew the subject. It sounds like you are enjoying retirement to the max. I like your motto. 🙂
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Marsha, thank you. I have never been one to shy away from a decision. But, I do sometimes take a while to get there. Some people call it procrastination. I call it research! Wow, Lisa Genova in person. That must have been a treat. I watched a couple of YouTube interviews with her and she seems both intelligent and highly relatable.
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It was one of the best Towne Hall meetings I ever attended. Here is a post about it. https://alwayswrite.blog/2017/05/18/a-great-book-still-alice/
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I’ve found there is nothing like being in nature, and especially near the ocean, to ground me. I’m glad you have been able to take advantage of that. I’m going to check out “Remember.” I’m always looking for ways to keep my mind sharp. Here’s to a joyful November!
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