August has been a bit of an oddball month for us, as we adjust our days to deal with extreme heat and a rapidly eroding health situation with my MIL. To say the least, these past few weeks have been an exercise in patience. Obviously, we have been spending more time than usual escaping, so TV, books, and games have taken precedence over bike rides and outdoor walks. We remain focused on healthy eating and exercise and have now added navigating the healthcare system, reviewing insurance policies, and researching available resources regarding provisions for elder care to our list of priorities. It has been a long summer, with no relief in sight.
Not Completely Mindless Escapes
Daisy Jones and the Six is a Prime Video series that chronicles the path of an up-and-coming rock and roll band. Said to have been inspired by Stevie Nicks, the lead character Daisy (Riley Keough) is a wonderful trainwreck that you can’t stop watching. With an authentic 70’s set and sound, it was pure rock n’roll. Ten episodes.
Ted Lasso – Apple TV (3 seasons)
Eternally optimistic Ted is hired by a Football team in England to be their new manager. Ted has no experience with European ‘football’, and is learning on the job. The intention, unbeknownst to him is to lead the team to their demise – a vindictive move by the new team owner who happens to be the ex-wife of the former owner. Witty, sweet, and sappy in all the right places, this is a feel-good, Pull up your bootstraps, and learn to play nice in the sandbox kind of show.
Reading
I borrowed a What’s On Your Bookshelf recommendation from MK at MK Adventures and read, ‘In Her Shoes.’ I love the author, JoJo Moyes, and have read several of her books. This one is a bit of a departure from her norm, but still a good read. Two women switch identical gym bags and the contents forever change their lives. It is a ‘women bonding,’ get your priorities straight kind of book that drags a bit at the beginning, then builds into a satisfying ending. Quick read. 4 stars.
In the Kitchen
We continued our summer eating habits with fresh fruits and vegetables. A standout recipe was this delicious and refreshing Cauliflower Tabbouleh. It is a quick and easy recipe and makes a great stand-alone salad or a side dish for lamb or chicken.
Family Matters
Getting old is not for sissies, is a familiar saying for good reason; it puts a slightly jovial twist on the stark reality that ‘it sucks.’ The severity of my MIL’s cognitive decline has become an immediate concern to us these past few months. We always believed that she would live her remaining days comfortably and peacefully pass away in her sleep. Isn’t that what we all wish for? Unfortunately, the time for that outcome has passed and we find ourselves in the position of providing intervention on her behalf. Sorting out the ‘how’ of it all has been all-consuming and gutwrenching for Malcolm this past month and although he feels closer to a decision, he is not entirely happy with any of the alternatives, which range from in-home care to an assisted living residence. Presenting viable options to her will be the biggest hurdle as she is not a receptive audience. I am sure many of you have been in this position, and if you have words of wisdom to impart, we are all ears.
Down Time
Last week I had a twenty-four-hour illness imposed bed rest that was kind of weird. It started about 2:30 in the afternoon while I was hosting my Mahjongg buddies for a game. I started feeling extremely tired and by 4:00 I was visibly ill to the point of zero ability to concentrate. As soon as they left I retreated to the sofa where chills and body aches ensued and Malcolm catered to me with blankets, water, Tylenol, and a soft pillow. I slept the remainder of the afternoon, all through the night and most of the next day. I had no appetite, and couldn’t tolerate light, which is way out of sync for me. The COVID test I administered was negative. After sorting through possibilities, I concluded that dehydration was the likely culprit since my symptoms were consistent with low potassium levels. I have experienced heat exhaustion before, (I wrote about that here) but these symptoms presented differently, and not during physical activity. Like I said, weird 24 hours.
Fitness
My gym app tells me that I have checked into the gym 12 times this month. I am alternating cardio and strength training at the gym while mixing in two days of tennis each week. I have only lost a few pounds since July, but I feel stronger and more toned, which is THE goal. My clothes reflect that as well, so, go me.
Something to Look Forward To
Malcolm and I planning a short road trip to coincide with my 50th High School reunion which will happen in September. We haven’t fleshed out the details yet, but any diversion from the heat and tension of adulting is welcome!
We will be traveling to Quebec, Canada in November for a short Vrbo stay and in December we have tickets to see the Pantetonics perform in Orlando. Things are looking up!
Let your positive attitude be bigger than your problems
We have all had things, from extreme weather to family issues, that tested our endurance, patience, positive attitude, and even our faith this summer, but in the end, we do the best we can and carry on. Cheers to keeping an eye on the horizon and good days to come. Many blessings.
Since I have ruined one camera and a couple of lenses by taking photos at the beach, I now carry only my cell phone with me on windy, high-tide days. Besides, it’s more about sea gazing than photo ops on a day like this.
Picture Retirement 
I wish I had some words of wisdom on the aging process, but I think most of us reply to situations as they arise otherwise it might be too mentally challenging. One thing I do know is that insurance and extended care are challenging areas to navigate so I wish you the best. Glad you survived your 24-hour bug, and your food and fitness look like they are on target.
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Judy, in the back of our minds, we knew this day would likely come because she has lived a long, healthy life with no physical issues. We started noticing some decline about a year ago, at age 93. It has been a steady decline since that time. Yes, navigating insurance and healthcare issues has been a challenge. We are taking things day by day.
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Hi Suzanne – a rather tumultuous August for you guys. So sorry to hear about your MIL – and I have no wise words for you. I know that many have had to face similar stressful times with aging parents, and that it will be my turn eventually – but you’re definitely right that it’s not for sissies!
I hope you enjoy your get-away and the high school reunion – I always admire people who want to attend those (it gives me hives just thinking about it….probably because I keep in touch with a few old friends and have no interest in any of the other people who I haven’t seen for decades).
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Hi Leanne, lately everyone we know seems to have gone through this, or is currently going through it, (we are in that age group) so we are not alone. Every day seems to reveal a new resource, and we feel positive that we are close to a reasonable resolution. As for the HS reunion, I committed $$wise, but not heartwise, as I still have reservations about attending. Oh well, game-time decision, for sure.
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I feel for you in regards to your MIL, having been through this sort of decision process with my own parents. I can’t advise you what to do but I can warn you that it’s likely you’ll question whether you’ve made the right decision, as none of the options are perfect. You have to learn to accept that questioning and ‘own’ the decisions you make rather than beat yourself up wondering if a different option might have been better. It almost certainly wouldn’t have been as sadly, whatever you decide, decline is inevitable and the best you can do is ensure that support and care are in place. Make time for yourselves and try to switch off from the worries as often as possible.
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Sarah, I appreciate your caution about second-guessing our decisions. Malcolm is a thorough planner, and the thought of making a mistake often gets in the way of expediency. Especially, when dealing with family matters. Your advice to ‘switch off’ is much appreciated.
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You have a LOT on your plate and I’m not talking about cauliflower. I’m sorry you had the down time, and I’m doubly sorry to read about your MIL. That’s just so hard for everyone but especially her and your husband who bears the brunt of the decision making. I’m glad you have some fun stuff coming up. I’m going to go get the JoJo book, I love her stuff too.
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Hi Dawn, downtime is what keeps us from complete overload right now. This is hard. Thanks for stopping by.
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In home care probably won’t work if your MIL opposes it. I had an elderly aunt who attacked her caretaker with a knife! Sorry to hear about all you’re going through. Hope you have a great time in Quebec!
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Hi Jan, that’s really scary. We are trying to take her feelings into account, but inevitably will make a decision that makes the most sense for her safety and well-being. We are looking forward to our week in Quebec. I’m sure it will be quite cold there in November, which will be a nice departure from our torid heat.
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The Canadians are used to the cold ! You’ll have fun!
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When you love your parents and are concerned about their care, I don’t think you can make a bad decision. There are many options. Even if they don’t like what is presented, doesn’t mean it isn’t a good solution. The trick is to also keep in mind what is good for you guys. Elder care is so stressful. Good luck with all this. Oh, and good job keeping up with the gym check ins – a sign you are still looking after you!
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Hi Tracey, we are doing our best to consider what makes sense for all of us. Her reluctancy makes it difficult to do anything without feeling guilty, so yes, time for us is imperative. Thanks for stopping by.
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I wrestled with elder care for both my mother and father years ago so I know how difficult it can be. There is no roadmap or one-size-fits-all solution. I know you and your husband will do the best you can, and it will be the right decision for your MIL because it will be made with love. I’m glad you are allowing time to take care of your mental and physical health too… that is so important. Best of luck.
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Hi Janis, you are right about it not being a one-size-fits-all solution. Our heads are spinning with all the possible options, and then there is the hurdle of her acceptance of whatever we decide. Thanks for your good wishes.
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Hi, Suzanne – I am sorry to hear about your MIL’s decline. I am going through this with my parents now. They are both wonderful parents yet stubborn is their middle names so I’m taking it one slow step at a time. As Janis said above, there is sadly no one-size road map. We can each only do the best we can, and make our decisions with love. Sending warm thoughts to you and Malcolm.
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Donna, same here. She is loving and sweet to the core, but stubborn as can be. And now, with the dimentia, there is no reasoning and stubbornness quiekly turns to selfishness, which is so completely out of character for her. It is the saddest thing ever. Good luck with your parents and thanks for your warm thoughts. Back to you as well.
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Hi Suzanne, your trips sound like just what you will need after the August you’ve experienced! I know exactly what you are dealing with in your MIL’s case. I’m sure you will find the right solution for her. Stubborn is the operative word for our parents. 😦
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Hi Terri, we are looking forward to some time away, but it isn’t likely to be uninterrupted. When stubborn mixes with dimentia it creates a chaos cocktail. Obviously, we will have our bases covered, but it is still worrisome. Thanks for weighing in.
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Sadly are drinking from the same cocktail these days 😦
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Sorry to read you two are going through tough times. We have similar concerns about my MIL and are discussing options – from far away. We are getting closer to a solution as well, but it is important to be able to discuss options with the elderly person in question.
You write she’s not very receptive, but what if you propose three options and let her pick one? Of course, finances, logistics, health concerns, and all that play as well…
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Hi Liesbet, interesting you should say that. We are doing something similar. We previewed three AL communities and have taken her to tour our two favorites. Now, we will begin to introduce the idea of in-home care, by hosting interviews in her home. We want to involve her in the decision to the extent possible. Besides, we can’t force her to do anything and the more she buys into the process, the better.
I can’t imagine trying to deal with an elderly parent from afar. I’m sure you guys will figure it out. Fingers crossed for all of us.
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Hi Suzanne, I’m sorry to hear about your 24-hour illness and your MIL’s health decline. I feel for you in regards to your MIL, having been through this process with my own parents. What I learned from it is that it takes a village to care for the elderly, much more challenging than ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. I hope your Fall getaways give you and Malcolm a restorative break. Sending warm thoughts to you both.
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Natalie, I agree, ‘community’ is everything and at this point we are still defining what that will look like for her going forward. Thank you for you vry sincere warm thoughts.
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You’ve had quite an August. I sympathize about your situation with your MIL having been down that road. I’m sorry you had a weird 24 hours of downtime, but you’re feeling better now, yes? Your plans to go to your 50th high school reunion sound like, if not fun, at least an adventure. Will you remember anyone? Will they remember you!
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Hi Ally, yes, feeling better now and attributing my demise to dehydration and stress. It was a good reminder to pay attention to the accumulation of stuff to avoid overload. I saw a few classmates two years ago at my brother’s funeral, which was a sad homecoming, but a nice realization that even when the face doesn’t reveal one’s identity, the eyes will. Thanks for stopping by.
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Hi Suzanne! It sounds like you’ve had quite a summer dealing with all sorts of unexpected events. Isn’t that life? But one thing I’ve learned through the years is that even when we are faced with challenges, most of them pass. And later–a month, a year, or more, looking back we realize that even with those challenges there were glimpses of happy and peaceful times mixed in there. While I suppose not everyone experiences that but us optimists do, right? I like to remind myself to treasure those moments of bliss and never give up knowing that “things are always working out for you!” ~Kathy
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Kathy, we both know intellectually that we are doing the ‘right’ thing for my MIL, but it feels horrible to be in this position and to see her so vulnurable. Solutions that bring us peace will surely be upsetting to her, so it is a bit of a ping pong match right now. Thanks for your reminder that things have a way of working out. That is my thinking as well. Let’s hope it carries us through. Thank you for your kind comment and best wishes for a ‘mosquito free’ summer. 🙂
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I am sorry, Suzanne, that you and Malcolm are going through such a difficult time with your MIL. We went through a similar situation with both my mother and Larry’s. It’s so challenging and heart-wrenching. I wish I had some sage advice, but I’m afraid I don’t. Just know that this too shall pass…and make sure to take care of yourselves too. You need all the strength you can get. On a lighter note, I loved Ted Lasso! Such an entertaining feel-good series. I read Daisy Jones and the Six, but I haven’t yet watched the series. Perhaps I will add it to the list. Sending lots of positive vibes your way! Take care!
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Hi Christie, it is amazing just how many readers have been through this or are going through it. I guess we are all at that age. Thanks for the reminder to take care of each other. This isn’t easy. I finished Ted Lasso and have now moved on to The Morning Show, which currently has my attention, but not sure I will stick with it. If for the music alone, Daisy Jones is worth it. Thanks for stopping by,
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Oh, Suzanne…I’ve had a hard time responding to your post. Reading about the challenges you’re going through with your MIL’s decline and the decisions you’re having to make is painfully familiar. It’s such a difficult time, and there’s no perfect solution for anyone. We spent several years trying to manage care for my parents, and ultimately ended up putting them into an assisted living situation despite their fierce desire to stay at home. But they could no longer safely be there, even with nursing care. I’m so sorry that you and Malcom are having to make these tough decisions.
One of my friends referred to that time in my life as a “loving burden.” And it was. I had to become a parent to my parents, making very difficult decisions and reassuring them while always treating them with respect and love. I consulted with doctors and home-health care practitioners and lawyers and friends and family, and everyone was on board with the decision we made….except for my parents. I had to remind myself constantly that were they not suffering from cognitive decline, they would have realized that they were no longer capable of living alone and that they needed 24-hour care.
It helped to visit them often and to enjoy simple life pleasures (like happy hour!) that they had always enjoyed at home. But the pandemic struck, and that put an end to that. Still, we stayed in close touch with daily calls until they both passed away peacefully within a few months of one another.
Take good care of yourselves. I wish the very best for all of you.
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Laurel, your thoughtful response was worth waiting for. I can relate to everything your are saying, from consulting with lawyers, insurance agents, counselors, family members, close friends, and doctors. They all reassure us that we are making the right decision to relocate her to an Assisted Living community. Even so, it feels like we are taking away her choices, since it is clearly not what she wants. We remind ourselves daily that this is all about her safety and well-being and that our job is to make sure that happens.
I agree that ‘visiting’ will be so much more pleasant and meaningful once she is settled into a good routine. Everyone has warned us that the first month will be the hardest. This is brutal, and we never pictured ourselves in this scenario, but we will get through it. Thanks for your words of wisdom. They have provided comfort to my aching heart today.
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Suzanne
Your situation is similar to the one we faced with my Mom (95). She eagerly entered an assisted living facility where she made friends and participated in all activities–life was good. This past year, her needs became greater than the facility could provide, and we had to move her to a nursing home, kicking and screaming. It was hard on her and our family. She receives great care, but her social activities are limited. My brother and I are the social committee. Things are better now, but it is an adjustment for us all. Sending prayers to the three of you. I’m confident you’ll make the right decisions. Joe
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Hi Joe, my MIL has not been social in a long time, so the impending transition is causing some anxiety. We are hopeful that she will acclimate to the new environment and possibly even thrive. She is not very happy with us right now. Thanks for sharing your experience. Your mom is lucky to have two sons looking after her.
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Getting old is definitely not for sissies but you have to say that it beats the alternative. We just have to hope that we can deal with the difficulties as best we can when the time come. Wishing you all the best in helping your MIL Karen (Back Road Journal)
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Hi Karen, thank you for your words of wisdom. Yes, putting one foot in front of the other with the best of intentions is all we can do.
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