The best way to describe what has happened this past month is to offer the visual of pouring water over a compressed sponge and watching it instantly expand. We had created this neat, tidy little life after purging excess ‘stuff’ and downsizing into a rental space – several rental spaces actually, but that’s another story. Anyway, while we were living a leisurely ‘home-free’ lifestyle, awaiting our time to reenter the home market and put down roots again, Malcolm’s mom sadly passed away, leaving us instant homeowners. While I am exceedingly grateful to inherit a house, the downside is that it came with a lot of STUFF!
So here we are making the big purge – again. This time it is very different because the things we are purging belonged to Malcolm’s mom. We have made progress, but it is a tedious and agonizing process as we decide what to store as ‘keepsakes’, what to donate, and what to throw out. What I see as junk, Malcolm sees as treasure, rightfully so, as there is a story (which he stops to tell), behind every trinket. I have a philosophy about holding onto stuff….
If You Keep Something That You’re Not Using, Then No One Else Can Use it Either
If you haven’t read another line of this post, please digest that one. “Allowing things to sit in a storage room, getting old or older is a sin”, or at least it should be, says the gal who now has TWO storage units.
We have been weighing the pros and cons of selling the house or moving into it for several weeks, all the while, sorting, cleaning, and making simple updates that needed to be done regardless of our decision. There have been many trips to donation centers, scheduled pickups of furniture and household items, and a few small boxes carefully packed and labeled – Rose. Thankfully, we have the luxury of time to make this decision since our current lease isn’t finished until the end of May.
After much consideration, we decided to move into the house, merging and purging our two households to the extent possible. It has been overwhelming at times, and we have a lot of ‘delayed decisions’ to attend to at some point, but until then, our plan is to make it work.
Our plans for the immediate future did not include the responsibility of home ownership, but the prospect of being without a home isn’t entirely appealing. We did consider what being homeless would look like, and I couldn’t picture not having a familiar home to return to after a long trip. I readily admit that I need the security of a ‘landing zone’ and owning a home provides that, even if it isn’t one of my choosing.
Changing of the Guard
Parting with my MIL’s cherished treasures was hard, but necessary. These pieces are representative of many that we donated. Hopefully, they will all find a good home. I give the lady credit for not being a slave to trends, she bought quality goods, that lasted for a lifetime.
Besides purging a lot of furniture, and home accessories converting my MIL’s house into a home for us included a fresh coat of paint, inside and out, new floors in the bedrooms, and new window treatments. We started with the master bedroom and will continue room by room as we have time and feel motivated.
Malcolm shot this photo just before I painted over our color choices. Besides the obvious blue swatch, there are three shades of white, which we had previously narrowed from six. Our final decision was Greek Villa. The exterior will be painted bright white with the same Greek Villa on the trim and the front door will be painted light blue. Fingers crossed that it works.
We will be freshening up the landscape again, as the sprinkler system has been out of commission for several months and there were a few casualties from our previous refurbishment. That is also work we can do ourselves and will prioritize for completion during the next month.
The immediate goal is to create a comfortable, uncluttered space to live in between trips. Beyond that, we will continue to sift and sort and rid ourselves of excess to include only those things we will use at some point in the future. Our ultimate goal is to build a home that will suit our needs far into elderhood, but after the year we have had, we also realize that we can’t realistically predict our needs going forward. The best we can do is to stay positive about the future, pray for continued good health, and follow our hearts, wherever they lead.
Springtime is a time for new beginnings. Happy Easter everyone. This Amarilys, commonly known as an Easter Lily bloomed on cue this week in my MIL’s backyard. We will take it as a good sign.
Joining What’s Been On Your Calendar with Donna, Deb, Sue, and Jo.
Picture Retirement 
Well…..life certainly brings lots of unexpected changes doesn’t it? Here you were, footloose and fancy free, and then the next moment you’re householders who are in the midst of a huge undertaking (physical and emotional). I guess all those “where will we end up living?” questions have been answered for now and you have a project to take you into the future. Keep us posted and I hope it all goes smoothly for you both. x
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Leanne, yep, the wise thing would probably be to extend our lease month to month and put the house on the market, ‘as is’, deal with the sale, and then deal with us seperately, but we seem to have a penchant for creating work for ourselves. Yes, the question has been answered – at least for now. The big move-in is tomorrow.
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Instead of a travel adventure, you are having a home adventure which I know you are up to. It also reminds me why I try to purge a couple of times a year including three bags to be donated right now that are in the closet. 🙂 It also reminds me why there are so many storage units around as people transition from one housing destination to another. I can imagine this adventure does hold a lot of memories so it will be a wonderful destination when you merge your lifestyles. Happy painting and redecorating.
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Judy, we hope to have both, but first things first. My MIL didn’t know the meaning of the word purge (RIP), so yes, it has been quite the adventure. She wasn’t a hoarder, and only kept things that she considered valuable, but her definition of value was fairly broad. 🙂 We have smiled a lot, and cursed a lot, but we are working our way through it. Happy Easter.
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I’m going to guess that some of the things she couldn’t part with came with a warm memory of a family member or a good time. It’s those memories that hold on. 🙂
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I’m sorry for the loss of Malcolm’s mom. You seem to be taking a good approach to the challenge. Good luck.
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Dan, thanks for your condolences. We weighed several options and although a lot of work, this one seemed best for the moment. Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful Easter Sunday. We will be taking a much needed day off today.
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Suzanne, good luck with your project and your new home. It’s a hard thing to do but it will be worth it. I’ve been there done that with parents home. We knew we weren’t going to live in the house but my brothers and I wanted to keep it in the family. My older brother now lives there after he did even more renovations.
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Beth, I don’t know how long we will keep the house, but it didn’t feel right to part with it so soon. It still has a lot of memories echoing around those walls and we can’t walk into it without expecting to see her. Thanks for the visit, and Happy Easter to you both.
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Oh, the decision fatigue is real! Especially when there are memories attached to so many items. Been there, done that. Good luck with it all, Suzanne and Malcolm!
Deb
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Deb, thank you. It is happening, whether we want to participate or not. It is funny though, how quickly you reach ‘pitch it’ when going through the process. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.
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I needed to read this post. I will keep your thought, “if you keep something you are not using, then no one else can use it either,” in my back pocket as I prepare to clean out my mom’s stuff this summer and downsize our own home. I tend to be more willing to throw than keep things, but it is MUCH more difficult when it has an emotional attachment (Malcolm… I get it). Good luck with the transition and keep us posted.
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I am sure you already know that you are taking on a lot at once so the only advice I will offer is to pace yourself and take down-time when you need it – you will need it! Thanks for stopping by and best wishes for your move.
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You have had more than your far share of challenging decisions in the last few years. I’m sorry about Malcolm’s mom passing and the new challenge of dealing with her home. I hope the two of you create some memories of your own there before you make your final decision on where you want to settle next.
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Hi Karen, each adventure has brought us closer to knowing what we want for our ‘final’ home. While we didn’t choose this house, we did choose to move into it, and I expect our edification will continue. Truthfully, it does check several boxes on our ‘ideal house’ wishlist. Happy Easter.
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Suzanne, I hope your move went smoothly. I’m sure you’ll reach your immediate goal soon after. Pace yourself and take breaks. My siblings and I have been there done that with our parents’ home. Best wishes to you and Malcolm.
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Natalie, thanks for your words of support. We will get to where we’re going – eventually.
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I recognise all that you’re going through as we had to do this for both my own family home when my parents had to give it up and were not fit or well enough to do the task themselves, and then again when my MIL died. Fortunately my husband is much more a purger than a hoarder so he was happy to keep relatively few mementoes and invite family members to take some too before the big clear-out. We also had the ‘shall we sell’ conversation. Moving in ourselves wasn’t an option as it’s 300 miles away and at the time I was still working. But he was reluctant to rush into selling it so we did it up for the rental market.
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I forgot to say how much I feel for you and Malcolm, going through this task. Hopefully this will prove as happy home for you two as it seems it was for his mother.
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Sarah, Malcolm is sentimental about two things – tools and kitchen gadgets. Both of those categories evoke strong feelings of time spent with his mom and dad. Other than that, his attachment is the usual stuff, like photographs.
We briefly considered placing the house on the rental market, but neither of us want to be landlords at this stage of life, so that possibility is out. I suspect we will live in it for a year or two, then move on.
I know many of my readers have gone through this, some very recently, and it always helps to hear from someone who has had the experience. Thank you for sharing from your perspective. Have a great week.
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You and Malcolm are full of surprises, aren’t you? I don’t envy your job of going through things and figuring out what to do with them. We are slowly doing that in our home too. I still have items from my parents that I can’t quite get rid of. I think the one of the greatest kindnesses we can do for our heirs is to get rid of stuff so they don’t have to.
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Janis, I have often said that same thing – which is why I think it is a sin to hold onto things we don’t need or will never use. I actually tried to get my MIL to purge some of her stuff while she was living, but she just couldn’t do it. I think some people are either attached to stuff or they aren’t.
Our daughter always jokes that she’ll rent a dumpster and clear our house if we leave it full of stuff. I’m not so sure it’s a joke.
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HI Suzanne, when Mike’s Mum moved into aged care we had been living downstairs from his parents. There was so much clutter and ‘keepsakes’ we had to clear for her. Unfortunately, what she treasured the family didn’t want. I’m glad you have a home for the moment and putting your stamp on it until you decide what to do. In the meantime, enjoy your travels when you can x
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Hi Sue, we are trying our best to make sure those kinds of decisions don’t pass to our daughter, but this latest ‘merge’ put us over the top again. April will be a ‘telling’ month for us. Much to do.
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I know what you mean about not wanting to leave it for your daughter to sort out in the future. I’ve been trying to declutter as much as possible and will continue to as we age. Take your time and take care of yourself x
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I feel like we’ve been “merging and purging” for a decade now. Do we ever get good at it? My husband is very sentimental as well. Good luck with this latest project. Some before and after pictures would be interesting!
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Hi Tracey, I have been thinking about a before/after post and I might be able to pull it together. We just got the bedroom sorted this afternoon and now have a place to sleep. I also know where the coffee pot is, so that’s progress. I suspect this move will take a while to feel comfortable. The ones prior were simple in comparison. Have a great week.
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That’s a big job, but it sounds like it will be worth it when the house is finished. (And I’m sorry to hear about your mother-in-law.) Happy Easter, one day late!
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Hi Ann, thank you for your condolences. It is a big job, but the other alternatives were just as daunting. We got through today – move day, and will wake up tomorrow and tackle the real work. Thanks for stopping by.
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I’m still sorting through things that belonged to not only my parents but my grandparents. It’s tough. But you’ll get there. Luckily you have your health and healthy habits!
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Jan, we are fortunate to be doing this while we are both still healthy. We tend to abandon our ‘healthy habits’ when life starts to overwhelm, but we both made a commitment last night to get back on track. No more ordering pizza or stopping for a fast-food snack just because we don’t feel like cooking. Of course, that will require finding my way through several boxes of kitchen gadgets….
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Interesting turn of events. I had a similar situation when my MIL passed. My SIL lived with my MIL and we became her guardians with my MIL’s death. The question was, do we just move into the family home to minimize the disruption to my SIL. It’s not an easy decision. We decided not to for a number of reasons.
We also had a six bedroom house to deal with – every room had things she collected. My husband has the collector gene as well, and yes, we still have things from that house we “merged” into ours. I know we have too much stuff, but he has a strong need to keep things. So I have learned to live with clutter.
It’s wonderful that you’re able to put your own stamp on the house with paint and I hope bringing your own furnishings in.
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Pat, wow, that’s a lot to deal with, on so many levels. Your husband sounds a lot like Malcolm with the ‘need’ to keep things. I am sensitive to that need, to a point, but when it gets rediculous I start negotiating.
The paint color and new wood floors, along with our bedroom set and bedding were just what we needed to ‘put our stamp’ on the house. As soon as I get some of the boxes cleared out, it will begin to feel like home.
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My sympathies on your mother-in-law’s passing. The clean-out is such a tough thing to do. Grant’s mum passed away just before COVID lockdowns started in March 2020 so we literally had a week to get it done before our state border closed. She was in a rental so there were time pressures to hand that back in any case, but let’s just say there were discrepancies between what I thought we should keep and what he saw as treasures. Spoiler alert – I have the same attitude to you: if you’re not using it let someone else do so.
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Hi Jo, Malcolm boasts that he could live in one room, with just a suitecase full of clothes, but when challenged, he will admit to needing a 20×20 storage unit (or 2) for all his ‘treasures.’ I think it is just the ‘idea’ of NOT having those things that bothers him most.
I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you guys to deal with everything with the pressure of COVID lockdown on top of it all. That situation would have intensified my need to ‘pitch.’
Have a great week.
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Suzanne,
As a couple, we travel about five months a year. We love it, but we both agree that having a home where we can rest, recoup, and enjoy the company of friends and family is a treasure. I couldn’t be a full-time RVer, so I understand completely your decision even if it ends up as somewhat temporary. Nevertheless, I don’t envy the near term. Moving turns me into a bear. Please share the finished product when you get there, and remember, that times like these are what wine is made for. Joe
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Joe, you always make me laugh. Malcolm told me a few hours ago that I needed to crawl back into my cave. I have been a bear all day and am definitely pouring a nice cab in about an hour. At present, I am waiting for a lady to drive up from Hobe Sound and pick up my MIL’s adult trike. It has been sitting in the garage unused for the past two years, so I am glad it is going to a good home. She is the only thing that keeps me from opening the bottle now!
Five months of the year sounds about right to me. We have two planned already – July and September. Thanks for the laugh and have a great week.
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Purging a parent’s belongings is indeed a difficult task, Suzanne. As we were going through my mother’s condo, I found the first couple of days, I agonized over each sentimental item. Then I realized that while enjoying the memories in the moment was valuable, I most certainly did not want all the stuff. I ended up donating or even tossing some of the items I had originally set aside to keep. Good luck with this major project!
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Hi Christie, that is much the same as our experience. Our ‘keep’ pile gets smaller every day.
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Oh, Suzanne, I couldn’t help but laugh…you and I seem to have the same philosophy about excess “stuff.” I am a firm believer in curating our possessions on a regular basis. If we’re not using something, or if it does not make me happy to be living with it, then it needs to find another home. Let’s just say that Eric is not as ruthless as I am (that’s his word for my approach, LOL). When I told him many years ago that I like living with things that are useful or beautiful (preferably both), he told me it’s a good thing he’s useful, haha!!
The task of dealing with a parent’s lifetime of possessions is emotionally and physically exhausting. It took us months to root out my parents’ home in Florida in 2020. We kept a handful of meaningful treasures and a lifetime of memories, and passed everything else along to people who were in need. Good luck as you continue with your merging and purging! I’m so glad you have fun adventures to look forward to, and that you’re creating a home that feels good to you.
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Laurel, ‘ruthless’ definitely applies, as does useful and beautiful. I like things that make my space feel inviting, evoke memories, and provide comfort. But, if I can’t see it, I probably do not need it.
We started planning trips because we needed a diversion from the day-to-day, and something to look forward to at the end of the tunnel. Anticipation keeps us motivated. Have a great weekend.
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I’ve been away from blogging for so long, but trying to get by to see my friends. What a mixed blessing you have been given. Wonderful to have inherited a home but with it the years of ‘things’ that belonged to your mother-in-law who had lived there. I would definitely be overwhelmed and probably a puddle of tears. So much to do. But looks like you have made great strides. I appreciate your quote. I need to spend some time with it. I have more than enough…EVERYTHING. And you are right, those things aren’t doing anyone any good if they are being put to use.
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Hi Leslie, I am sorry for the late reply. I have not been paying attention to the blog lately. Busy with life… Inheriting a house is a mixed blessing and of course, it has a time-frame of its own, so there is no such thing as being prepared. We feel like we are finally emerging from the heap and getting on with life. It has been an ordeal. Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you at your lovely corner of cyberspace soon.
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I just found this post when I came looking for you, wondering what had become of you. I sometimes wonder about Feedly, the rss feed I use to follow bloggers. This never came through on a timely basis.
Anyhoo, I hope by now you’re through the worst of the process and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been in your place and it is overwhelming but in the end freeing. My take on dismantling someone else’s home is from Alexandra Stoddard: “Life is too short to be the caretaker of the wrong details.”
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Hi Ally, I haven’t meant to be in hiding, but I guess I sort of have been. My posts aren’t as frequent lately (for obvious reasons) but I hope to get back on track soon. BTW, Alexandra Stoddard is an old standard for me, but I haven’t thought of her in years. She writes with wisdom and grace and I could do with a little of both these days. Thanks for tracking me down. I’ll pop over and see what you have been up to in a short while. Have a great day.
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Hi, Suzanne – I totally get about the purging and trying to figure out what to do with mom’s treasured stuff. It is difficult and highly emotional work. Sending warm hugs your way.
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